Single, Saved, and Still Wanting Sex: Is the Church Talking About Sex Enough?

Over the past week, I’ve been seeing this advertisement for an event entitled “Single, Saved, and Still Wanting Sex… I Still Want It: A Transparent Conversation About Being Holy and Horny”! Reactions to the event ranged from laughter, to being appalled that the church would even hold such an event, and to finally, the church is keeping it real! The event has yet to happen, but many already have their opinions and feel it is just too much – too vulgar, too direct – and just not something we need to talk about.

Regardless of how you may feel about the event, I think it raises the very important question:

Does the church talk about sex enough?

And I don’t mean the same old “just wait until marriage” talk. I mean do we really talk about sex. Are singles able to talk about their sexual struggles – whether their struggles are with pre-marital sex, lustful thoughts, pornography, or masturbation – in an environment where they are safe and free from judgment and can get the help they need? I’m not sure the church has done a good job talking about sex and we could be doing so much better!

Sex is still treated as taboo in the church, but it is a much needed conversation.

Sex is still treated as taboo in the church, but it is a much needed conversation. Click To Tweet

So if you find yourself single, saved, and still wanting sex and your church just won’t talk about it, try these 3 things:

  • Pray and seek a church or small group where discussions and questions about sex are not only welcomed, but looked at through a Biblical lens. The church or small group should tell it like it is. They should be both able to be brutally honest about your pre-marital sex, lustful desires, porn-watching, or masturbation being a sin, but also able to offer the support you need to overcome. Support could include an accountability partner (someone you can talk to openly about your sexual struggles), prayer, and even counseling if its become an addiction. The church or small group should be a safe place for conversations and getting the support you need.
  • When you do find that church, small group, or accountability partner, be willing to be transparent about your sexual struggles. Oftentimes, other people have the same struggles you do, but are afraid to voice it. We sometimes feel like we’re the only ones dealing with sexual struggles, but the truth is, many people are. So don’t be afraid to be open and honest about your struggles. You’re not the only one!
  • The most important thing of all is to seek the Lord regarding your sexual struggles and to renew your mind regarding sex! This can be done whether you’ve found that church, small group, or accountability partner or whether you are still searching. God sees sex as a beautiful thing for married couples. In fact, He invented it. It’s the highest level of intimacy you could have, besides your relationship with God. But oftentimes, this beautiful thing can be distorted and become sin – as we engage in it for our own selfish desires and before its timing. So seek the Lord and find out His true purpose and desire for sex.
Seek the Lord regarding your sexual struggles and to renew your mind regarding sex! Click To Tweet

As a church, no, we haven’t been the best about talking about sex. But I do believe we are trying more to have discussions. If you have questions and need to have those discussions: pray and seek a church that will do that with you, be transparent about your struggles, and above all, seek the Lord and His truths about sex.

Has your church or small group done a good job talking about sex? If so, comment below!

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Comments

  1. Stacy says:

    Spot on! There are many great points here. Thank you for sharing this!

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Glad you enjoyed!

  2. Aretha says:

    I needed to read this article. Thank you.

  3. Nadie says:

    This is exactly what we need as young people. To be real with who we are,our struggles and weaknesses. That way it becomes a lot easier to walk the path our Lord desire of us. Shying away from reality will not only cloud our vision but makes us live a lie. Thank you so much for such truth!
    Blessings❤

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Yes, I absolutely agree!

  4. Esther says:

    Great article!

  5. I think it’s very hard to find a young millennial and below who has not been involved in some form of premarital sex. The church needs to be a place where these kids can get some real talk (and help!) from their struggle

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      So true! The church definitely needs to do a better job opening the doors of communication about sex, starting at the teenage years.

  6. Adrian Michal Trujillo says:

    What if i have already had children out of wedlock but am looking for something greater? Am I able to redirect my past ways into a greater future?

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Yes,of course, with Christ, it’s possible. I’ve known people who have had children out of wedlock and then turned their lives around and did not have sex again until they were married. I’ve known couples who were living together, sleeping together and turned their lives around and waited until marriage to have sex again. I’ve known single people, who are not virgins (including myself) to turn their lives around and be waiting until marriage to have sex again.

      With Christ, it’s possible. Not easy, but possible.

      I would start with finding a church that teachers the Word of God, a small group or older man who could hold you accountable for your actions, and start studying the Word for yourself. God can help you turn your life around!

  7. Keri McCue says:

    Love this and totally agree. I don’t think the church has done a good enough job of equipping singles and youth of what sex really is, why it’s created for marriage, and how to stay pure while single. I love what Phylicia Masonheimer says about this topic. If you’ve never checked out her stuff, you totally should!! She also just launched an ebook called Christian Cosmo that talks all about this. It’s seriously amazing, I feel like you would like it!! Here’s the link if you want to check it out: http://phyliciadelta.com/sex-talk-never/

    Anyway, totally love this. I haven’t heard of this conference but now I kinda want to look it up haha

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Thanks, I’ll have to check this ebook out.

      I totally agree. The church still has a long way to go on this topic.

  8. Yolanda says:

    I think sex is talked about so much outside of the church already. In our church, sexual drive, including porn, masturbation, etc., is addressed all the time. Our church does say to wait for marriage and for those who look strongly to Bible Scripture and keep themselves busy volunteering, ministering, they are pretty successful. Many do not wait until marriage, have babies, and are still part of our church. God Bless them all!

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      I agree. Sex is talked about so much OUTSIDE of church – in a worldly and unbiblical way. If the world is talking about it. The church should be talking about it as well, but in a Biblical way. So I’m glad to hear that you have found a church that discusses these things and is still welcoming to those who have not waited until marriage and have families already.

  9. I read a lot of books alone about how to get free from masturbation. I was happy when God did set me free. First, the person closest to me for years was obsessed with sex, my body and his body. When you’re a grade school it’s kind of weird but as you get older it becomes like a nuisance to always hear nasty things from boys who do watch porn or masturbate. So part of my struggles came from not wanting to have sex and get in trouble and all of those thoughts interfering with my walk with Jesus made me very sad that I was always thinking about it. When the person who was pursuing me told me he wanted to marry me and we should do it because if I loved him I would, that’s when the devil got his snake wrapped around my soul. I believed this person and was willing but never enough so I was always pressured, intimidated and rudely treated for not giving him his dues. Eventually the interactions became more aggressive but I endured the abuse because I believed what he said and he continued to tell me we would marry. I allowed this person access to my heart, body and soul but all along he was making fun of me, telling lies about me and seeing other girls. It wasn’t until I was 25 I realized his true intent was just to make a mockery of my life, my choices and my faith. Now the judicial system says this is rape. The consequences of rape have treatments and some things have gotten better. I’m grateful for the psychiatrist I see and my parents believing me. I

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Wow! In all these years that I’ve known you, I didn’t know your full testimony. Glad to know that in more recent years, you have gotten away from these types of toxic relationships and are getting the help that you need! You are God’s daughter – you are loved! I pray for healing and understanding of how much God truly loves you!

  10. Diana says:

    Sex and abuse are never ever talked in Church. These can turn into heinous crimes if Church continues to see it as taboo. Your article is spot on how the Church must encourage small groups where young boys and girls can be open about their struggles, and sound counselling can be given. Sex shouldn’t be seen as taboo,but talked about being enjoyed in the most purest way within marriage.

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      I agree! This definitely shouldn’t be a taboo subject – rather something we talk about openly and in a Biblical manner! Thanks for reading!

  11. Kate says:

    Spot on! I appreciate that you acknowledge that sex is a beautiful gift but it can be distorted. People mistakingly believe that sex should be avoided because it is bad, but in reality, it is so good, it is something we need to protect.

    This topic as a whole is definitely something we as Christians need to talk about more. While it absolutely is uncomfortable, it is also critically important because of all the dangerous messages we are getting from current culture. I think Christians are starting to wake up and realize we need to be having these conversations, but there is definitely an opportunity for improvement. Jason Evert has a great website on some of the topics you mentioned (http://chastityproject.com/) and Matt Fradd has been speaking out about the problems with pornography.

    1. Alisha Blue says:

      Love what you said about those talks being critically important because of all of dangerous messages we receive from the current culture. I couldn’t agree more! As the church, we should combat those dangerous messages with Biblical truths!

      And thanks for the additional resources!

      1. Trish says:

        Wow! Thanks for this article. This is exactly what I struggle with. Now i don’t feel so alone. ❤

        1. Alisha Blue says:

          I’m glad this article was able to help you! Thanks for reading!

  12. Trish says:

    Wow! I really needed this article. This is exactly what I struggle with. Many thanks. ❤

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