It’s Okay to Struggle with Your Singleness

It’s hard for me to even fathom that I am writing this. But the real truth is, lately I’ve been struggling with my singleness.

The same woman who wrote Dear Future Husband to let her future husband know that she’s not waiting on him, but that she’ll do everything God has called her to do with or without him. The same woman who wrote This Beauty Called Singleness describing the freedom and beauty of being able to fully devote herself to the Lord as only a single woman could…

Is now the woman writing these words…

I’m struggling with my singleness.

I’m somewhere between hopeful and hopeless.

I’m somewhere between belief and disbelief – believing that God is the provider of all things, including a husband, but not believing He could provide one for me.

Contentment in singleness is a journey, not a destination. So, yes, I’ve struggled before. The struggle can be long or short – lasting months on end or diminishing in a matter of moments. The struggle comes and goes like the waves of the ocean – sometimes gently splashing me, other times violently knocking me off my feet and drowning me in emotions.

It’s Okay to Struggle With Your Singleness

But if I’ve learned anything over the years as a single woman – it’s that I will sometimes struggle with my singleness and that’s okay!

In the past I’ve done everything I could to cope with the struggle…

I’ve tried to sleep it away – hoping that when I wake up, I’ll somehow no longer desire the affection of a man…

I’ve tried to work it away – burying myself in my job or the ministries I’m involved in thinking it would keep my mind busy enough for the struggle to fade away…

I’ve tried to cry it away – hoping my tears would wash away the way I felt…

I’ve even used other people to cope with it – allowing men to pursue me or to keep my friendship when I know that God has already told me to walk away. I’ve used men for cheap trills and to try to fill the void the struggle brings…

And in my darkest days, I’ve even tried to drink it away, smoke it away, and sex it away. To no avail because the struggle still stayed…

But I know now, what I did not know then…

It’s okay to struggle with my singleness. It’s in how I struggle that makes all of the difference.

How to Struggle with Your Singleness

I no longer want to struggle like I used to. I don’t want to sleep it away, cry it away, or use men somehow thinking it will fade away.

That’s like picking your scabs and expecting the wound to heal.

If I’m going to struggle, I’m going to struggle with Him – the God who loves me. The God who send His One and Only Son to die for me, even though I am a complete, sinful mess!

I’m going to struggle with my first love – Christ.

The struggle with singleness is an invitation to draw near to the Lord – to dive deep into His Word – to express the struggles to Him through prayer. It’s an invitation from Him to allow Him to fill those voids you feel in your heart – to satisfy you in a way that no earthly man ever could.

The struggle will come and go.

We’re going to struggle with singleness and that’s okay. But let us struggle with Him.

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  1. Alisha, thanks for sharing this ! I too have struggled with my singleness, but after reading this, I know it will all be ok !!! I’ve wondered time and time is He capable of providing me with “my husband”, but I know He can and He will !!!

  2. I’ve been there before! I pray God gives you contentment in him as you wait.

    I’m married now but the interesting thing is – much of what you’ve written here could also relate to my current desire for a baby. So I guess contentment in the Lord is something we have to grow in at every stage of life.

    1. So true! I’ve heard other married women express that same desire and the struggle that comes with it. For sure, contentment in any stage of life is definitely a journey – not a destination!

  3. I’ve learned so much here. It’s good to hear other testimonies. With all that you’ve been through, I’m glad you’re still humble.

  4. Thanks for this post.. I’ve been on one heck of a journey since my world/heart was shattered two years ago. I’ve literally clung to God to get me through it.. however when those moments of doubt crept in, and they still do (often)…that God could/might have a husband for all my beautiful and precious friends BUT definitely not for me, I would feel utterly discouraged. In my mind, I believed I was the exception to Gods love and promises, not because of his imperfections but because of my own unworthiness and numerous flaws.
    I too tried a whole host of avenues to try cope with the struggles of singleness, and they all have left me feeling empty and even more lonely. However the ONE thing that brings peace to my heart and soothes away the pain and doubt is when I go running to God.
    Thank you for being so honest and writing this post, I can truely identify and am encouraged to continue to go to God with my fears, hurts and insecurities. I’m praying for all you lovely ladies that we may find comfort and love in him.

    1. I totally understand that struggle we sometimes have with singleness. I was a bit apprehensive in writing this post because it’s something we don’t always want to admit to.

      But I’m glad you found this post to be encouraging! And I pray that you, myself, and all the other beautiful single women hold on to the truth you said…

      “the ONE thing that brings peace to my heart and soothes away the pain and doubt is when I go running to God.”

  5. Hello alisha, the post was awesome. As guys, we also deal with this; but after reading this, I feel relieved because I know it isn’t just me and it’s a journey not a destination.

    So it’s all about how I go through it. And I have decided to let God lead me through it.

    Thank you.

    1. Aww, I’m glad you enjoyed, Fikemi. I wrote this awhile back and have recently started to feel that struggle again. So while you were encouraged, your words actually just encouraged and reminded me to allow God to lead me through it! 😊

      1. Am glad I was able to encourage you, and thank you again for writing it.

        As believers, we aren’t exempted from going through some of what the world goes through, the difference is; we can lean on Jesus Christ and our fellow brothers and sisters to pull through. Thank you for creating this community for doing just that.

        Have a great day👊

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