Being Single Taught Me… Self-Love

Being Single Taught Me Self-Love

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Singleness Can Be A Speed Bump

Let’s be honest, the season of “singleness” can be extremely tough. Sometimes it’s not like the pleasant sight of a breathtaking sunset but more of a strong fear of not knowing what is lurking in the night.

Sometimes we look at being single like a pothole in the road to avoid when in all actuality it can be a speed bump. A speed bump slowing us down from rushing into something that may cause more harm then good. It can be a precaution protecting us from getting hurt. 

How can that be? How can being single be like a speed bump? 

There was a point in my life when I asked those same exact questions. In 2017 I published my first book, What is Love? The Mysteries of the Heart. In this book I opened up about my experiences with relationships and that strength that I found during my season of being single.

That season was in fact a speed bump for me; I was able to thoroughly examine myself as well as the baggage I was holding onto from my relationships. That baggage would have been one of the barriers stopping me from ever starting a new fresh relationship. That season slowed me down from rushing into something I would not have been prepared for.

During that gray area, now, looking back, I was like a Ping-Pong ball, bouncing from one emotion to another, from one experience to another, from one mentality to another. After feeling like I wasn’t worth being committed to, worth being loved and treated right, I lost sight of my own worth and value. My exploration of intimate love was a rocky journey with plenty of bumps and potholes. (McNair, 2017, p.8)

Being Single Taught Me Self-Love

Finding Self-Love in Christ

After coming out of my past relationships I had a lot of issues to resolve within myself. Since I was in unhealthy relationships I was in desperate need of recovery time. I had to discover and embrace that self-love and confidence that I once had.

That time span of being single was what I needed to recover; it was my recovery time.

I learned more about myself, more about what I wanted, and more about what I needed. Most importantly my relationship with Christ became stronger!

In self-discovery we can uncover self-love. Imagine self-love as a seed that is planted and watered by God. It slowly grows, but due to the environment and experiences, it’s not getting the needed sunshine; and now it looks a tad discombobulated. There comes a point in our lives when we comprehend that we do not have it all figured out. (McNair, 2017, p. 12) 

I realized that I didn’t have it all together. I was broken, I was damaged. I was hurt emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I guess you can say being single opened my eyes to what I needed to see. I was lacking self-love and that sense of being whole. I was looking to feel whole with other individuals when what I needed was to find security, protection and completeness in Jesus Christ. 

Emotional and mental clutter was cleared out and I was able to focus on God and focus my mind and energy on things pertaining to my salvation and the works God had for me to do here on earth for His kingdom (Colossians 3:2, KJV). 

Being single should not be anything to fear; it is like a season promoting growth and maturity, It’s preparation of what may be ahead. Is the preparation stage easy? Not always. Is it worth it? Yes, it is!

At that moment, I finally found self-love, and it didn’t seem so foreign anymore. By carrying anger, disappointment, and hurt, it was difficult for me to love myself; and amid learning from my mistakes, I learned that I needed to love myself more. Sometimes that love for ourselves, which is much needed, is not before us, waiting for us to step into its destiny. Sometimes it takes a little extra self-esteem building and a little extra self-awareness to harden that foundation. Sometimes we do not properly love ourselves. Self-love is not always easy to tap into, and it may take time, but just remember, just as there is a process to making gold beautiful, there is a process for you. The value of the gold was already there; it just needed some refining. Remember, you are gold; your value is there; you just need to do a little internal cleaning and allow your beauty to shine. (McNair, 2017, p.15)

I want to encourage anyone fearing being single or anyone currently in that season. Being single is not a season of famine, but of abundance.

Abundance in self-love, appreciation, peace, knowledge, strength and so much more! It should not be feared but embraced and accepted with open arms.

God knew what you would encounter and He knows your every desire (Psalm 37:4, KJV). Make your requests known and trust that He will answer your prayers and give you what is best for you (Philippians 4:6, KJV). There is beauty found in being single. Cherish that moment and appreciate that breathtaking sunset of singleness.


Carlene McNair is the author of What is Love? The Mysteries of the Heart, this is a book in which she opens up about her struggles and triumphs with love. She is also a singer, and a spoken  word artist who goes by the name Chosen.. Carlene is the founder, president, and CEO of PhenomenallyCHOSEN. which is a ministry encouraging testimonies and it also sheds light on the love of Christ; aside from that, Carlene is a faith based blogger. Her blogs can be found at I Am Chosen.

This post is a part of the “Being Single Taught Me” series – diving into lessons learned during singleness. Check out other posts in the series, including Being Single Taught Me… How God Loves Me Perfectly, and It’s Okay When Relationships Don’t Work Out.

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Being Single Taught Me Self-Love

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