“You have to be content with God and singleness. Once you’re focused on God and your relationship with Him, that’s when He’ll send someone into your life.”
Have you ever been told this by a well-meaning friend?
I must have heard this at least a dozen times between college and when I began dating my now-husband. While I get the concept of keeping Christ at the center of your desires, I can’t say I agree with this process of thinking.
Why? Because it implies your desires for a husband aren’t in line with God’s desires.
It implies you have to achieve a certain way of thinking before God “rewards” you with a man. And it brings fear into the minds of women who suddenly work on their relationship with God only to ensure their husband will appear soon.
So no, I don’t think single women need to perfect their relationship with God to find a husband. But I have experienced the importance of taking time to learn more about God during the season of singleness.
Love In the Form of Protection
While there’s no magic formula you need to follow to ensure you’re on the right track during singleness, this season does provide you with opportunities to learn about God in a way you might not appreciate as much while in a relationship.
I remember specifically the month when being single taught me how God loves me perfectly.
I was working full-time as a camp director and struggling with a few friendships. Three people in particular treated me extremely poorly. While one gossiped maliciously about me behind my back, the other two treated me as if I were expendable.
I put on a brave face at first. But soon, I wondered that if these young adults who professed Christ as their Savior treated me with so little love, why would God treat me any differently?
Slowly, I allowed the hurt to sink in deep to my soul. And I equated the love – or lack of love – these “friends” were giving me to the love God was giving me.
But praise God He doesn’t leave us in the dark pits we stumble into at times!
God showed me in a tangible way how He loves me. He showed me how He protects me in ways no human ever could.
In the midst of that struggle, He protected my life on a dark and foggy night. I had taken the windy roads home from Bible study, and a deer appeared in my path. I didn’t have time to do much besides slam on my breaks at the last second. My car smashed into the poor animal, but as I sat crying in my car at the shock of what had just happened, I heard God speak to my heart.
“Do you see how I love you? I protect you in ways you don’t even realize. I’ve protected your physical body from harm tonight, just as I’ve protected you in the past. Just as I’ve protected your heart.”
His Perfect Love
In that moment, the tears of fear turned into tears of overwhelming love. God broke through my wall of uncertainty regarding His love. He showed me how He not only loves me perfectly, but He loves me exactly the way I need love. He created me and knows me intimately, and He desires to pour His love over me in a way that overwhelms my heart.
This moment of revelation and grace will always remain in the memory of my heart. It’s a tangible reminder that God loves me perfectly.
And it’s a reminder to not expect perfection from my human relationships. My friends and family and husband will not be able to provide the kind of love that truly sets my heart at peace.
While their love is a beautiful gift, nothing compares to the perfect love God gives me.
Could I have learned this lesson while in a relationship? Probably. But I imagine if I had been dating at the time, in my sin I would have turned to my boyfriend for the source of perfect love. I would have leaned on him instead of God. And I might have even assigned him the rejection I was feeling from my friends at the time.
I believe God brought me to this place while single in order to provide me with the foundation of His perfect love before entering into a relationship with my husband. As I learn how to give and receive love from my man, I look to God’s perfect love before assigning expectation on my husband.
When I think about that difficult summer, I now align it with that night of God’s grace. And I’m incredibly thankful for how He taught me about His perfect love before I entered into a relationship. A relationship that should reflect that perfect love.
I wish there was a formula to share with you today on how to travel through the season of singleness. But I can promise you that God will teach you things during this season that you’ll be able to hold onto for life. So don’t stress that you must become perfectly content with singleness before God will introduce you to your future spouse. Instead, rest in God’s perfect love and open up your heart to accepting it.
Emily Saxe was born and raised on the east coast but currently resides in Indiana with her husband. Working as a full-time freelancer, her heart and her pen are drawn to stories of faith as she helps people share how God is working in their lives. Read more of Emily’s articles on her website, To Unearth.
This post is a part of the “Being Single Taught Me” series – diving into lessons learned during singleness. Be sure to subscribe below, so you can receive other posts in the series!
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