The battle for purity has never been a pretty one. It’s oftentimes filled with regrets, moments of sexual compromise we wish we could just take back, and wounds only time and Jesus can heal. And it seems like the longer we stay single – the harder the battle gets – the more the urges and desires for companionship shout from deep inside of us.
So how is a single woman to stay pure:
Don’t be such a loner. There’s no such thing as walking this Christian walk alone – we need accountability and community. And spending too much time away from that accountability and community leaves you open to sexual compromise. You need sisters to tell you to flee your sexual sins. You need sisters also to encourage you and remind you that you are worth so much more than sexual immorality – you are worth the wait! And that although you may feel weak, you are strong enough to wait.
When we lose our way and stumble into sexual sin – our sisters are there to remind us of God’s loving grace and forgiveness and to encourage us to get back to walking in purity. But oftentimes, our sisters are the first people we push out when we start getting sexual with our little boyfriend or friend. We stop coming around – stop attending Bible studies and girls day out – because we are spending all of our time with him. Or we continue coming around, but mask our shame and disgrace underneath shallow conversations trying to convince everyone that everything is okay.
But don’t be such a loner – that loneliness will only pull you further into sexual sin. Spend time with your church family, especially your sisters. And be transparent about your sexual sins. Many women have walked those same streets of impurity and many are willing to help you get through it. You’re not the only one!
Stop feeding your sexual desires. Porn is not the only way to feed your sexual desires. Our sexual desires can be fed through something as simple as a love song or passionate kissing scene on TV. It could be the conversations we hold with our friends about our desires for affection. Our minds are sexual enough – it doesn’t take much to awaken our sexual desires. So at least stop giving your mind new sexual thoughts to play with. Be mindful of what you watch and listen to – stop entertaining your sexual desires!
Know your boundaries… and then set them even higher. Because let’s be real, we think we know our boundaries, but we really don’t! Our hearts and minds are deceitful – and lead us to think we can handle more than we really can.
And know your boundaries before you get into a situation. As a young believer in college, I learned boundaries the hard way! I thought I could handle hanging out with a guy I was attracted to – you know, just hanging out one-on-one while watching TV. And I soon found myself in a very compromising position (which lucky for both us, we somehow came to our senses and chose to walk away!). I thought I knew by boundaries, but clearly I didn’t.
After that, one of my sisters suggested higher boundaries – not hanging out alone with guys (even if I wasn’t attracted to them) and only letting them walk me to my door, but never inside. And you know what, I didn’t find myself in any more compromising situations and guys never pushed my boundaries to come inside – because I knew my boundaries beforehand and I kept them!
Ladies, a guy can only get as far as you let him! So know your boundaries, set them even higher, and most of all, keep them!
If you should ever fall into sexual sin, come back to the Father who loves you. I say this, not as a woman who has lived a life of perfect purity, but as a broken woman who Christ saved. I was in fact at the tail end of a very sexual, sometimes abusive relationship when Christ saved me.
Upon being saved, I vowed that I would not have sex again until I was married. I did not know how hard the battle for purity would be. As a young believer, I struggled with these things – I was a loner and I pushed away my sisters, I was constantly feeding my sexual desires, and I had little to no boundaries. Until I eventually found myself laying next to a guy I barely knew.
I was heartbroken that I had fallen into sexual sin after I told God I wouldn’t! But God, with His great love and mercy reminded me of who I was – that I was His precious daughter and that I was forgiven. Since then, I’ve been celibate for 5 1/2 years.
God has restored me from that brokenness and has walked with me through that battle for purity. And He can do the same for you!
Ladies, comment some of your practical ways to fight sexual sin below.
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